Smash it Up

I had this idea for a new leisure concept more than 15 years ago. It seemed a bit off the wall then. Nowadays, post-911, post-capitalism – it seems like a perfectly sensible idea …

Smash it Up is all about reclaiming our souls back from technology by smashing the hell out of consumer goods.

 

The customer enters the Smash it Up experience when they step onto our large dressed set – a full-size mock up of an ordinary sitting room. It contains a tv set, computer, dining table set with food and crockery, sofa, china cabinet filled with trinkets – and a hi-fi blasting out some very annoying music. 

 

Next they’re handed some safety goggles and a sledgehammer and invited to Smash Everything Up! The whole thing is filmed so they can take away a record of their experience and it can also be broadcast on the internet so that friends and colleagues can watch the mayhem live.

 

Customers can choose from various themed sets:

Rock Star – A hotel room full of cheap musical instruments plus a tv set you can throw out of the window.

Fast Car – an old car tarted up for the occasion.

Office – rows of old computers, fax machines etc.

Living Room – as above.

 

Obviously, we’ll try and tailor the whole experience to suit the customer. For instance, we’ll play their ‘Most hated Song’ on the hi-fi as they’re smashing it up.  If they hate photocopiers, there’ll be a massive malfunctioning one in the centre of the room.

 

If you’ve ever smashed up an old piano or tv set, you’ll know how much fun it is. Shiny consumer goods really shouldn’t be ruling our lives and have the ability to make us happy or sad. Symbolically smashing up these tantalising little fuckers is a great way of getting all that anger and frustration out of your system in a healthy, harmless and fun way. Plus from all the millions I make off this – I plan to buy a massive speedboat!             

(c. Mingles Corporation 2008)

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10 Responses to “Smash it Up”

  1. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Do you have a room full of innocent, young children or waggy puppy dogs? If not, no sale.

  2. charliemingles Says:

    you mad bsatard dave.

  3. Dave Says:

    Bsatard? Ha!

    That means I win, doesn’t it? What do I win? Dignity?

  4. charliemingles Says:

    Yes.

    *hands Dave his dignity*

    try and keep it a bit longer this time

  5. Swineshead Says:

    When I was a child, free to roam the streets of Walthamstow with my chums from the council estate, I enjoyed nothing more than joining them in finding a derelict house and smashing everything in it to smithereens.

    This idea will SELL.

    What percentage are you offering?

  6. charliemingles Says:

    My sweet lord, we have an honoured guest.

    Actually, I did pitch this for the very first series of Dragons Den, albeit in a much more serious form. I also pitched it to The Barefoot Doctor and to Bill Drummond. Barefoot was very encouraging ( a nice guy) and put me in touch with a venture capitalist who liked it but not enough to invest. that was all back in 2001. But I actually had the idea way back in the 90’s. My short attention span means it never progressed very far. not to mention the fact that its probably not commercially viable. as you say, its superb smashing the fuck out of stuff.

  7. charliemingles Says:

    oh, percentages? depends how much money youre offering

  8. nursemyra Says:

    where’s the damned soundtrack?

  9. charliemingles Says:

    you cant do the smashing on here nursey, Ive just tidied up. You can suggest a song though, if you like. I’d probably go for Achy Breaky Heart by Billie ray Sirus – though there is a danger I’d take my own life before I got to the smashing up.

    PS: To anyone else out there, Ive recently seen proper photos of Nursey and her face is just as cute as the rest of her – she’s got tattoos and fishnets and everyfin, just like in that fantasy you had … Okay, I had.

  10. A Free Man Says:

    Well said. Reminds me of the scene from “Office Space” when they go ballistic on their office crap.

    Kill your television.

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