Lost in Austen

Every morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is excitedly check under the duvet. So far – no change. No shrinking, no swelling and my nipples aren’t getting any bigger either. Perhaps I should explain.

I’m obviously turning into a woman. What other reason could there be for the fact that I’ve really enjoyed watching this ITV1 series where a 21st century girl who loves Pride & Prejudice suddenly finds herself inside the Jane Austen novel. It’s sort of like Life on Mars, but with heaving bosoms.

I keep hoping that there’s some logical explanation for my compulsive viewing of this thoroughly girly nonsense. I keep hoping that, rather in the same way that the show’s heroine Amanda Price suddenly and inexplicably finds herself inside the book – I’ll wake up one morning and suddenly and inexplicably find myself transformed into a woman. It’ll be a bright sunny morning, the little birds will be singing and overnight I’ll have grown a shiny new vagina and a cracking pair of tits. It’ll all make sense then. I just hope I’m not a hound. I want to turn heads rather than stomachs.

In fact, just to make sure I’m fully prepared for the inevitable when it comes, I’ve already started browsing the internet for appropriate lingerie. The powder-blue stockings bring out the colour of my eyes. But then again the black fishnets are far more daring. Is red too tarty? And shoes! Don’t get me started on shoes.

I’m even hoping to pitch the idea to ITV, Lost in Fanny by Charlotte Mingles:

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man upon waking to find himself in possession of a vagina, must be in want of a wife. Or at the very least some hot lesbo action with the chambermaids …

ITV would almost certainly be interested and would probably want a first draft as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I very much doubt I’d ever get round to writing it as I’d be far too busy doing research. To be frank, I think the next you’d hear of me would be about six months later when the Fire Brigade have to break my door down – after friends and family have shown serious concern for my welfare.

No doubt I’d be found alone, dribbling incoherently, a giant smile on my face, my once-beautiful withered body lying slumped and exhausted on a bare mattress – with just some tissues, an industrial tub of vaseline and a full-length mirror for company.

But enough of this flowery romantic talk. We gals do like to go on. The review …

As I say, I have been quite enjoying this show. Nice idea, well executed and some very good deadpan performances. Great to see Hugh Bonneville redeeming himself so beautifully after Bonekickers, playing a blinder as Mr Bennet. Alex Kingston as the complex neurotic Mrs Bennet, Jemma Rooper as Amanda, Elliot Cowan as Darcy etc, they were all very good. And there were some funny scenes.

One of my favourites from this week’s final instalment was when Amanda arrives back in present-day London to find Elizabeth Bennet is now working as a nanny for some posh yuppie couple. Elizabeth opens the door sporting a short trendy hairstyle and looking every inch the demure noughties girly.

ELIZABETH (looking Amanda up and down): Miss Price. You are wearing my dress. Well, no matter. It would not fit me now. I am macrobiotic.

A really charming and enjoyable show. And I can’t remember the last time I watched anything on ITV for reasons other than pure shadenfreude.  So can I be the first (and perhaps the only) man to have the courage to stand up and admit it to the world. My name is Charlie Mingles and yes, I watched Lost in Austen and I quite enjoyed it. And not just for the  heaving bosom’s, though they of course did help.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, those frilly black negliges won’t order themselves.

If you’re interested in watching this series, all four episodes are available now on the ITV catch-up player here: http://www.itv.com/CatchUp/Video/default.html?ViewType=5&Filter=27362

While we’re at it, can I also direct you towards my original Lost in Austen preview here: https://charliemingles.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/lost-in-austen/

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3 Responses to “Lost in Austen”

  1. nursemyra Says:

    I’m currently reading a book called The Lazy Cross Dresser by charles anders. check it out on amazon, he might have some tips for you if the tits start bursting out of your ribcage

  2. daveselectricblanket Says:

    Lost in Austen would be better written as an Allegro.

    Oh yes, I dare to make the horrible witicisms you’re all too afraid to!

  3. charliemingles Says:

    such a horrible witticism, in fact, that I have absolutely no idea what you’re on about.

    You’re obviously far too well-educated for this site, young man. Might I recommend WWM.

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