Cage This Beast

The electricity man just came round to read the meter yesterday afternoon.

I answered the door in my rancid jogging bottoms – my hair all greasy and sticking up. I also hadn’t cleaned my teeth.

I then went back to listening to last weeks episode of Radio 4’s Moral Maze – which was about paedophiles.

As I turned it back on, a woman expert was talking about ways of teaching these people how to deal with their problem.

It sounded like I was listening to a paedophile self-help tape (does Paul Mckenna do those now?)

And needless to say – the electricity man left looking disgusted.

It reminds me of my days working freelance.  For anyone who doesn’t know, freelance works like this:

Staying up till 4 am watching comedy DVD’s and eating curry. Sleeping in till about 2pm and breakfasting on Kit-Kat’s, cheese and onion crisps, coffee, milk and cigarettes.

Two and a half months into your three-month deadline you start to panic.

For a week you feel guilty. Eventually, in the final week, a cocktail of shame, guilt, boredom and self-loathing inevitably drives you to the computer for a couple of days of work.

There are only two sure-fire ways to escape this intensely destructive, socially-disabling and tremendously enjoyable downward spiral into all-out madness.

You can either get a proper job. Or get married.

At least, that’s how it used to work for me. Happy days.


6 Responses to “Cage This Beast”

  1. MD Says:

    you can’t escape.

  2. charliemingles Says:

    its fun trying

  3. nursemyra Says:

    doesn’t everyone eat kitkats for breakfast?

  4. charliemingles Says:

    mine had heroin in them. I dont think they make them anymore.

  5. nursemyra Says:

    chocolate and heroin for breakfast? Hmmmm…. hadn’t thought of that combo before

  6. charliemingles Says:

    its very moreish nursey. I dont know what it is, but they definitely put somethihng weird in those kitkats.

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