Doberman Unleashed

With the Ingmar Bergman Season starting on Film 4 next week, we asked modern intellectual and Harry Enfield sidekick Frank Doberman to give us his views on one of the great auteurs …

Well, of course I admire Bergman, who doesn’t.

I applaud the way he can conjure an entirely unique cinematic universe from delicate light & magic. And that even the quality of his silences are, like Kurosawa, both distinct and numinously evocative.

However, if I was in B&Q, of a saturday afternoon, picking out some new decking with the wife and he arrived and started stripping down to his nuddies, causing a ruccuss, over-turning pot plants and jumping on tables in that Swedish way they do, I would have to say, ‘Oi! Bergman! NOOOOO!

‘I admire the way you have inspired a generation of filmakers to paint the moving leitmotif of alienation and loss onto the fragile canvas of reality.

‘But if you think you can come over here, stroll into my local superstore and shit in my plant pots, you’ve got another think coming, YOU BOSS-EYED HERRING-BREATHED VIKING PONCE!!!

And I should most definitely have to give him an almighty slap!

One Response to “Doberman Unleashed”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    Don’t get me rong Frank. I luv a bit of yer igh culchur as much as the next ponce.

    I’m especialy a fan of the modern philosophers and Wittgenstein in particular.

    Oh yes. His Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, is a tour-de-fucking-force.

    But if he ws to turn up on my doorstep and start fiddlin with my kiddies. I should have to say,’Oi, Wittgenstein, no!

    ‘I admire the way you have re-ignited the debate on the nature of logic and the paucity of language to engage beyond concrete externalia.

    ‘But you can stick your bollocks back in your trousers you Nazi-loving, nobble-headed swotty cunt.’ And an almightee slap is what he would most certainly get.

    Thanks for listening Frank

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